Honestly, all the way through dinner, I kept wondering how chef Jordan Kahn was even remotely connected to this restaurant. After having nothing but high praise for Vespertine, I struggled to understand what the hell this was, and why. At times, I thought it had to be a joke, or a bad dream — I could even go as far as calling it a nightmare. How far should I push this story? Do you want the truth, or do you want me to say everything is 10/10, along with “oh my God, everything is so good!”, like so many desperate food influencers sucking up for free food and access? You know that at La Reine Gourmande, we don’t sugarcoat it. The room itself was very LA: hypnotic, slow-paced, familiarly weird, which wouldn’t have looked out of place as a voodoo smoking club. Who knows, maybe everyone took a little too much and somehow this became the menu.
Ok, that first remark already cuts deep, and I promise to try to keep my criticism under control. Note the word “try”. Listen… the food does not work. I could dissect each dish and tell you exactly what was wrong with it, but I don’t need to; my tastebuds were enough to know. I’m not saying this just to cause a stir. I genuinely felt as though everything had arrived at the wrong destination. The dishes had no home. They were confused, lost, and stuck in their own heads. The combinations of flavours and textures were mostly underwhelming, and too often they simply did not work together. It felt like the chef was trying to be innovative and daring, with all these different ideas, yet none of them properly materialised. For a one-star restaurant, this attempt at a more “casual” version of Vespertine fails. We both agreed that they should seriously consider simplifying, especially since Vespertine is already holding the fort when it comes to avant-garde gastronomy. Meteora would be better off stripping everything right down and becoming something else entirely. What exactly? I don’t know. But I would have been far more satisfied eating a piece of premium meat cooked over the live fire instead.
The service was very attentive, which did make me feel a little guilty, but what can the staff do? They are just serving these abominations; they have no say in the matter. Everyone could see we didn’t like any of it, and the head of the restaurant even offered us more things to try, which I’m not sure made much sense considering the situation. It didn’t change anything, but I did appreciate the care everyone gave. I stopped taking photos at some point because I didn’t want to waste the memory card on my camera, so not everything is here — but don’t worry, you are not missing anything. Looking back at the dishes now, they still evoke feelings of frustration, anger and disbelief. Even writing this story, I can feel my interest waning. I was searching for something to stand out, at least one thing I could tell you was delicious, but no. Nothing.
Sitting there all night felt like a waste of time. Even with a supplement offered by the restaurant, which was also pointless, we left saying it was the worst restaurant of the year. Not being able to connect the dots, or enjoy anything taste-wise, meant those hours at Meteora were lost and never coming back. Enter at your own risk — but don’t say I didn’t warn you.
